The rule of six

Just to be clear, these new rules severely limit much of the fun experienced at social gatherings. The most memorable birthday parties, Halloween nights and Christmas lunches tended to involve a lot more than six people. The government don’t say how long these instructions will remain in force – could the Rule of Six last the rest of the year? Unfortunately, that looks like a real possibility.

On the other hand, you will still be legally allowed to do the following 6 things from Monday.

1 – Travel on a packed London Underground train. Although you will still have to wear a mask, the government will permit you to squeeze yourself onboard a tube train with a hundred other commuters. The future of Pret a Manger depends on it.

2 – Go to the office. At the end of your Tube journey, many will head into the office, where they can attend meetings with dozens of their colleagues, without even wearing a face mask. Wouldn’t a Zoom conference call be easier?

3 – Attend a wedding reception with 29 others. Since weddings and funerals are exceptions to the Rule of Six, groups of up to 30 can attend such gatherings. However, you will need to remain seated at your table throughout, so tearing up the dancefloor is no longer an option.

4 – Play 5-a-side football – even against an opposing team of 5 other players. It might sound odd, but 10 people are allowed to play a game of football assuming it takes place in a licenced venue, including facilities in Brixton, Battersea and Clapham.

5 – Play an impromptu game of beach volleyball. Our Brazilian escorts love a cheeky game of beach volleyball, and since it only requires 2 players on each side, it is fully COVID-compliant. Your only challenge might be finding a suitably sandy surface.

6 – Go on a date with a Lilyfields London Latin escort. Yes, we are pleased to announce that meeting an escort will still be permitted under these rules. Technically, you could even go on a date with 5 of our busty escorts at the same time (if you have the stamina). And if you plan on going on a dinner date, make sure to keep a safe distance from others, or else a Covid Marshall will slap you with a hefty fine.

While we appreciate that steps must be taken to limit the spread of COVID-19, some of these rules and exceptions to the rules look a little like a step into an episode of the Twilight Zone. What do you think of the Rule of Six?